A New Year is supposed to be a time to refresh, renew, and try not to repeat! For me, it's just that. As the New Year has just began, I have many questions that I am faced with, and a lot of decisions that I need to make for myself.
After leaving everyone and everything we know in Iowa and making the drive to California a year ago and living in our apartment for close to a year (surprisingly in a few days it will be the anniversary of signing our lease) I am faced with the question:
Do I want to continue living here or load up the car and leave?
In all reality, the answer is completely up to me. I will always will have outside opinions, advice, and curiosity pulling me in one direction or another, but at the end of the day, I have to make the decision and be happy with it (or unhappy, but pretend I'm not).
If I do leave... Am I returning to my previous home of Iowa or my original home of Illinois. However, the biggest underlie of all this confusion and uncertainty, is the fact that whether I move to either of the states, knowing that I would be moving alone... without... Joseph.
The decision rests completely in my hands, without anyone suffering the consequences or enjoying the perks. I feel the pressure more and more everyday as my original "Move or Bust" date comes closer and still have to think about giving Joseph enough notice to find a new place or letting his parents know that we'd have to change one of our flights for Spring Break in March or for that fact, if I am even going to be able to go!
After leaving everyone and everything we know in Iowa and making the drive to California a year ago and living in our apartment for close to a year (surprisingly in a few days it will be the anniversary of signing our lease) I am faced with the question:
Do I want to continue living here or load up the car and leave?
In all reality, the answer is completely up to me. I will always will have outside opinions, advice, and curiosity pulling me in one direction or another, but at the end of the day, I have to make the decision and be happy with it (or unhappy, but pretend I'm not).
If I do leave... Am I returning to my previous home of Iowa or my original home of Illinois. However, the biggest underlie of all this confusion and uncertainty, is the fact that whether I move to either of the states, knowing that I would be moving alone... without... Joseph.
The decision rests completely in my hands, without anyone suffering the consequences or enjoying the perks. I feel the pressure more and more everyday as my original "Move or Bust" date comes closer and still have to think about giving Joseph enough notice to find a new place or letting his parents know that we'd have to change one of our flights for Spring Break in March or for that fact, if I am even going to be able to go!
Tick Tock... the clock is constantly running, and so is my mind.
*(I apologize for all the rambling and randomness but this has completely taken over my thoughts)
oh joey! i'm sorry this is so hard. i know it will all work out eventually, but i'm sure at this point the answer seems so unclear.
ReplyDeleteawww, like bethany said everything will work out. i have faith that the answer will miraculously come to you. just follow your heart! you're in my thoughts. love ya!
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